Track Name: The Courage to Face Reality, and the Desire to Escape it
What if I'm so used to this?
Just another habit I'm not ready to kick
into the past and leave behind.
Carry on with life, it's the best
disguise to hide away.
I feel so hard done by.
Not by you, not by the world.
Just by myself.
I'm getting used to just sitting here.
These nights are constantly blurred
by days passing by.
I'm thinking too hard about nothing.
"You know, the pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. And then when you finally get one of these coveted pieces of tail that that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it — not to protect it, but to hoard it, to keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory. And you realise, all too soon, that you're not good enough."
Looking out the window,
you'll never see anyone there.
Everyone I see, repulsing
the thought of ever leaving.
I think to myself as I look outside,
"The world out there is too big for me to survive
purely on the habits that day by day, year by year,
take me to a place I wish I'd stayed."
Turn me into someone I never hoped to be.
I want to remember what I did yesterday.
"Because you knew deep inside that you were what you feared you were — weak, and passive, and ultimately broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses you built up a poison, that poisoned others around you... that you love."
Apology for the person I used to be,
because now I'm just used to it.
Its taste, I'm used to it.
It's becoming so easy to be with you,
my happy friend.
I'm used to it, I promise you,
I'm honestly used to it.
Reflecting on my life,
have I ever done anything I'm proud of?
Will I ever make you proud?
Will you smile when you remember me?
'Cause it's not easy going through the days,
never knowing what's coming.
Struggling to realise,
that there is a life ahead of me,
that I'm not ready for.
Every day I'm getting worse,
every day I'm making myself better.
I'm happy seeing life how it should be seen,
wishing that the world could see it for themselves.
Give it to me straight,
It's too hard to distinguish
what's changed so far.
It's too hard to mask, (It's too hard)
because I'm so used to this.
I can't find the next step to take.
I've let years go by.
Solace in misery.
I'll push my thoughts into another world,
and leave my body to rot.
What if I'm so used to this
I can't get ready to kick it?
Another day just sitting there,
waiting for time to pass by.
Give it to me straight, I need rest.
What's left of me?
I'm asking you for help,
I don't know where to go.
I will be nothing.
Take the pain away from me.
Who's there to talk to,
when we're all so different?
Don't force this into me,
when I just want to die happy.